There's not much to say really. Or maybe, there's too much and I just can't fathom where to begin. Hah, I typo-ed begin as 'being'. I don't know where to be, how to be, who to be anymore.

I am too much and not enough for you, I try too hard but am always wrong. I am new to this and do not yet know what should be done, but I know that I am not doing it, not fulfilling your expectations because I can sense the distance between us growing. I know the end is coming, less than 2 weeks away now, but I don't know how we will play this out. Will we end beforehand or shall it be a last minute thing at the very last party we attend together? Maybe you have imagined that we would continue beyond this realm, but by the way the last week has gone, and the way you are acting towards me now, I do not think that it is in your future plans anymore, if it ever was. I am still in doubt as to whether I would like us to be more than just this here. I can't help but feel that I am not enough for you. Yes, my standards should be higher, you should be taller, smarter, better, but also I am not good enough for you. I am not good enough for anyone, who am I really? I have nothing, know nothing, am nothing. 

she holds the rope,
one last chance to save herself
some strength required
but not too much of a challenge

pull up? let go?
fight? drown?
flitting thoughts through
a troubled mind

life was too much
but never enough
there was nobody on her side
baby was stuck in her corner

a point to this?
was there ever a point?
life was meaningless.

one clenched fist remains
one dangles loosely by her side
let go or hold on...
decisions, decisions.

Slowly one hand begins
to loosen its grip
on the inside of her pocket
and swing up to grab the rope

For the moment
she will fight
attempt to conquer
the almost unbearable.

press down on my shoulders
bow my spine and shed my tears
losing my voice, frantic words caught in the dead silence of the black hole that is me

futile urges burn me from the inside
fires are dangerous when untended
who can tend to something that has no form?

gorging, feasting, devouring all will end
no more consumption,
this is the construction

warning: a better me, a thinner me, a not-me me shall arrive
bring on the death. down with the old and the real.

I function not within the boundaries of normality
I am an outsider, you will never tame me
I cannot follow the crowd, I was not created so
Faulty designing, I will admit
I need to belong
But am the artless outcast
Fumbling in my misfit body .

i am alone
always alone
no one can see me here
can hear me here
wants me here

i choke on the words
lodged in my throat
never to be heard

i need a listener
a confessional
i have sinned
more than you could ever imagine
and the likes of which
you would never do

i am unworthy
but crave acceptance
destined to be
the eternal outsider